Longed For Someone To Hold
by Bren Gail
Summary: Penelope Garcia has longed for a baby, but was never ready to have one until now. What she thought would be a journey into single motherhood would transform into both a family and love affair. On An Indefinate Hiatus.
1. Longed For Someone To Hold 1

**Longed For Someone To Hold**

_A Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan Multi-Chaptered Fan Fiction _

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

_October 2011_

Penelope Garcia loved the smell of fall, because it signified that Halloween was approaching. As a little girl, she loved Halloween, but it was not until she became a teenager that it had become her favorite holiday. Halloween was the one day out of the year that people did not stare at or make fun of her. She had always had a unique fashion sense that many people did not understand, even before her decent into the Goth scene, after a drunk driver had killed her parents.

She sighed as she remembered the injustice of what had happened to her parents. The sting of their absence was no longer as pronounced as it had been, but it still hurt and would forever would. She was brought out of her melancholy thoughts when she heard her best friend call out to her. She looked up from her position under the large oak tree in the courtyard of her apartment complex and brightly smiled at the man who had been her best friend for the past eight years.

"Baby girl, you ready?" He asked as he stepped off the sidewalk unto the grass to walk toward her and the large oak tree.

"The question, my dear," She responded playfully as she smoothed the lines of her dress. "Is whether you'll ever be ready to handle this gorgeous Goddess?"

His stride shortly paused before he grinned and closed the small distance between them. As he took off his designer sunglasses and placed them upon his head, he retorted. "Oh baby girl, you always look beautiful, but today you look fucking sexy."

He gently grabbed her left wrist and intertwined their fingers. Her breath hitched and her eyes dilated. His grin widened and his eyes sparkled. He gingerly tugged her toward him and she landed with a gasp against him. The hand that held hers tightened his grip as his other hand found a home on her right hip. He caressed her hip through the fabric and bit his bottom lip. She placed her free hand on one of his biceps. He groaned as he felt the swells of her breasts press against his chest. As he spoke, his voice dropped decibels with each word he spoke seductively. "I'll handle whatever you want, whenever you want, however as long you want, and as many times as you want."

She almost forgot to breath, but when she felt his hand on her rounded backside, she choked on the shaky breath that she had been attempting to inhale. She trailed her hand up his bicep, his shoulder, up his neck, over his ear lobe, down his jawline, then to the back of his neck. His jaw clenched and unclenched as she trailed her hand up his bicep, around his shoulder, up his neck, over his ear lobe, down his jawline, before trailing back up the taut jawline and settling around the back side of his neck. He slowly lowered his head toward hers and although she did stop breathing, she went to help bridge the space between them. Her lips were an inch away from their destination when the ringing of his cell phone broke the spell that they had cast upon one another. He let go of her hand to answer the phone and she hastily stepped several steps backward.

"Morgan." He gruffly answered the phone as he gave Penelope an odd look not understanding her desire to get away from him so fast.

The odd and concerned looks that he gave her made her turn away from him and she blinked back shameful tears. She had forgotten herself and had gotten too deep into their playful banter. Over the years, she had found herself doing that exact thing more frequently, but not to the point where she had physically offered herself to him. She had stepped over the only boundary that stood between them, an unspoken and invisible boundary that screamed never to kiss, because kissing lead to sex and from her experience sex ruined any relationship whether romantic, or friendship. She cherished her friendship with him more than everything including her love and desire _for_ him.

As Derek listened to the caller, he swallowed and watched Penelope fidget a half of a yard away from him. Did the idea of him kissing her repulse her so thoroughly that she did not want to stand near him? He had thought that she had wanted it, but had she been participating in their banter and had he interpreted it wrong. He shook his head as if to clear his mind and he concluded that she could not have faked her reaction to him. She wanted him, hell, she had told him years ago that she wanted him, but he now felt as if something was keeping her from letting herself have him and he wanted her to let him have her.

"What?" He asked the caller. "Oh, yeah, I'm at Penelope's now." There was a pause for him to listen to the caller's response. "Old man, you need to watch it." There was another pause before Derek said in an irritated tone that was on the borderline of anger. "Goodbye."

He stared at Penelope's back for a minute before he walked toward her and threaded his left arm through her right. She slightly jumped, but she did not pull away. He looked at her concerned and his mouth formed a thin line when he realized that he had made her cry, but she had dried them in the attempt to hide them from him.

"Baby girl," He sighed in a mixture of concern for her and disappointment for his self. "Are we okay?"

She blinked and a solitary tear slid down her cheek, which the pad of his right thumb quickly wiped away.

He caressed her cheek just under her right eye and tried to apologize for her discomfort, but she interrupted him before he could finish. "Penelope, I'm."

"No, you don't have anything to apologize about." She interrupted him; because she did not want to him apologize, because if he were to do so, it just might kill her emotionally. "We just got caught up in a heated moment. No worries, my wonderful chocolate friend." The word pierced both of their hearts, but Penelope continued onward trying to ignore the pain of loving someone who could never her the way that she loved him. "Already forgotten."

Already forgotten? He would never forget it as long as he breathed yet he decided that he would pretend to try. He swallowed and forced a smile, but felt the need to tell her how he felt about her. "I love you no matter what."

She blinked again, but fortunately, for her she was able to control her tears. She knew that he loved her as she was his best friend, but why could he not love her as she did him? She forced herself to smile and playfully replied. "I love you too."

Hope had made his heart swell and his smile almost genuine, because the way she had told him that she loved him, he detected something more, but when she continued, he chalked it up for him wanting to hear what he thought he heard.

"You're my best friend, Derek. I don't know what I would do without you." Penelope had added, because she had felt that she had almost revealed her true feelings to him and she felt that if she had it would be a disaster to their bond of friendship.

His heart was breaking, because he was in love with her and she had just told him that she loved him, because he was her best friend, but he plastered a playful grin across his face to hide the pain. She felt him pull away emotionally before she had felt it physically. He unthreaded his arm from hers and stated. She thought that he was pulling away, because she had made him uncomfortable with both her actions earlier and her heartfelt declaration of love that she had tried to cover up with the implication that she loved him, because he was her best friend.

"Let's get to Rossi's before he cancels the cooking lesson." Derek stated as he placed his arm safely around her shoulders, as a friend would do.

She swallowed and her heart crumbled as she felt the loss of the intimate contact, which was replaced with a friendly, almost brotherly contact. She inwardly shuddered. She had been continuously learning how to handle Derek loving her as only a friend for years, but she could not learn how to handle him loving her as he did Sarah or Desirae. Either way he loved her, she would lose, because he would not be in love with her. As she had an inner meltdown, she decided that she would go ahead with her original plan and disregard the one that she had only that morning convinced herself to use.

She had longed for someone to hold for so long that she would have a baby artificially inseminated with the father being chosen from a list of strangers than ask Derek to supply what she needed for the procedure. If it had been possible, her heart would have shattered, but as it was already nursing a broken heart, it hurt to breath. She had wanted to have his baby and give his mother the grandchildren, but as that no longer seemed to be an option she would do it by herself.

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><p><em><strong>To Be Continued<strong>_


	2. Longed For Someone To Hold 2

**Longed For Someone To Hold**

_A Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan Multi-Chaptered Fan Fiction _

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

Derek hated the silence that filled the car, but he refused to turn the radio on. His current philosophy was that if Penelope wanted to listen to it then she could turn it on herself. She had no issue, in the past, of commandeering the radio and everything else within his life, so why would she now?

What he did not realize was that for the first time since she had met him, she was completely uncomfortable being around him. If he had not been driving and focusing on the road then he would have noticed it without using one of his skills as a profiler, because it was obvious that she would have preferred to be anywhere than with him in his SUV.

She had her feet firmly planted on the floorboard with her hands demurely folded in her lap. Her jaw was tightly clenched, her eyes casted downward, and her lip quivered ever so often as if she would start crying uncontrollably. Dear lord, why had she talked Hotch into persuading Rossi into having this cooking class, all she wanted to do was go home, cry until it hurt to cry more than the actual reason for the crying. She was ashamed and disgusted with herself for embarrassing and angering him. Was he angry with her, because she had wanted to kiss him or was it, because he finally seen what had been in front of him; that she was in love with him and had always wanted more than the close friendship that they had shared?

What she did not realize was that he thought that she was mad at him for propositioning her. After all, who would want someone that you only ever saw as a friend attempt to seduce you? When he had agreed to pick her up from her apartment he had not planned to use that as an excuse to seduce her, but their normal banter got out of hand entirely too fast. He mentally berated himself for his stupidity and confusion. He was so thoroughly confused with her behavior that he could not profile her to figure out why she reacted the way she did. How did she go from wanting him to seduce her only a few years ago to now only seeing him as a best friend? Did her love for Lynch cancel out the lust she had once felt for him? He snorted aloud at the thought and was not surprised when Penelope said nothing and did nothing in response.

Although, she did not outwardly respond to his random snort, inwardly she broke just a tad bit more. Just when she thought she could hurt no more, something occurred to prove her wrong. He was laughing at her. Derek Morgan was laughing at her, Penelope Garcia. She tampered down the bile that slowly rose up her throat. She felt as if he was laughing at her, because she had fleetingly thought that she had a chance with someone like him. She hated feeling like this. She was a confident woman that felt she was passingly attractive, but she knew that women like her did not ensnare men like Derek Morgan. Although, she knew that Derek was not as shallow as what she had once perceived him to be, she felt unworthy of him. A few years ago, she was sure that she could get him in her bed, but it would have been for one night only and she wanted so much more than that with him, for them. She had thought that Derek would have never hurt her, yet he was hurting her more than anyone had ever had. A bullet from Battle had not hurt this long and hard. Her injury had eventually healed and scarred over, yet she felt as if that same fate was not possible for her heart.

She recognized a landmark that was close to Rossi's house and silently sighed. They were almost to Rossi's Mansion and she could immerse herself into the team dynamic and distance herself from Derek for a few hours before the ride back home. She cursed Esther for needing maintenance work done and herself for dropping Esther off at her mechanic's garage. While Reid had driven her home from the garage, she should have tried harder at persuading him to come to the cooking lesson, because she could have ridden with him, which meant that she would not have made the mistake of giving Derek a glimpse into her deepest desires. She hoped that Reid would decide to come to the cooking lesson not only as an avenue of escape, he could give her a ride home, but because she hated to see her family crack from within.

Derek's phone rang when they approached the wrought iron gates that guarded the long driveway to Rossi's mansion. Startled by the unexpected sound, he quickly answered the phone. "Morgan."

"It's about damn time!" Rossi exclaimed. Derek winced at the sound and was grateful that he had not encountered Rossi when he was a green rookie. The man could have a hell of a bite behind his voice.

Before Derek could retort, Penelope spoke for the first time since entering the car over thirty minutes ago. "Oh, hush my Italian Stallion. I was busy seducing my very own personal Chocolate Adonis.

Derek's eyes and eyebrows flew upward as his head went backward to tilt upward before he inwardly muttered, 'what the hell.'

He had never met a woman who could infuriate and turn him on at the same time until he had met Penelope Garcia. As Derek listened to her flirt with Rossi about her seducing powers, Derek decided then that she needed to decide what she wanted from him, because he had wanted more from her for far too long. He was through with the hinting and implying that he was in love with her. He was no longer going to let her misinterpret his declarations of love. As soon as he got her alone tonight after the cooking lesson, he was going to tell her, and if by God if it took him telling her or showing her in front of the entire team, he would. He hoped that she was secretly in love with him or at the very least could _see_ herself falling in love with him, hell at this point he would settle for her being in lust with him again. The only thing that had stopped him from declaring his feelings or taking advantage of her attraction for him in the past was, because he was afraid that it would damage their friendship to the point that they would only be friends and not Penelope and Derek, best friends. He was sure that his mini-seduction of her earlier had done some sort of irreparable damage. As it seemed as if he had already lost her, what else, did he have to lose?

"We are not late. You said to be at your mansion at seven, mon cher. It is fifteen minutes until seven."

The wrought iron gates finally opened and he handed the phone to her. His fingers brushed her palm and he heard her quietly gasp. He smirked at her reaction. If she felt anything at all for him, she still held unto the lust that she had felt for him earlier on in their friendship, it should have made him feel like a complete jerk, but it did not. He was through with being the nice friendly playful gentleman; Derek Morgan The Player was more than ready to come out and play with one hot mama named Penelope Garcia.

He hoped that she loved him as he did her, because if not he would spend the rest of his days disappointed within himself for temporary using her to satisfy his fantasy of being with her mind, body, and spirit. Her heart was something that he rarely thought that he could have, because who would want to love someone who she knew had not only trust issues, but commitment issues.

What he failed to realize was that often times a person does not choose who to love, it happens unexpectantly, and sometimes it hurts.

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><p><em><strong>To Be Continued<strong>_

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><p><em>Note: Thank you for taking the time to read this story.<em>


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